Eleven years, 3 kids, a move and 25 lbs later, I still view my life with my husband as an adventure. I still love him, I still believe we are living how God had planned and ordained marriage to be, but...(I hate buts don't you) I view my husband and marriage with wiser and more mature eyes. When we said, "I do" we meant it, however I don't believe either of us had any idea of what we were saying "I do" to. Thanking God for faithfulness and commitment on both our parts, our hearts have been saddened by the disintegrating vows around us. Marriage and life has been compared to a roller coaster and it's true, because just like you could never fully explain to someone else what to expect on a ride..you can't communicate the entirety of what your life with your spouse will look like. For one, your spouse is not someone you can control. You cannot control their emotions, their motives, their thoughts, words, actions...any of it. So, accepting the fact that you can and should give wholeheartedly to this relationship, loving as Christ loved and served..without expectation of reciprocation is hard. Not just hard, it's sometimes devastating. As our lives live out, as our families grow in number, as our interests change and challenges grow in size, our selfishness and sinful natures can trick us into believing we "deserve better", we "didn't plan for life to look like 'this' " and that's where Satan gets a foothold.
"Each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death "(James 1:14-15).
The world will tell you that if you are unhappy, change your circumstances and you will be happier. This is a lie. The bible tells us that we need to change our hearts. Christ exemplifies sacrifice demonstrating his love for the church. He compares His relationship with us to the relationship of marriage. It requires sacrifice of self, there needs to be trust in each other, in our Lord and obedience to HIm, there has to be unwavering commitment. He promises to sustain us and I believe if you seek to be sustained by anyone or anything else, you will be left wanting. I've heard couples getting divorced say, "well, we are both seeking God"...if that were true, really true...you'd be seeking to maintain the commitment to stay married. Marriage is not to be taken likely. It is an oath to God and an oath to your spouse. Never in the bible does it say to pursue what makes you happy or what is easy, not once. But it does say to:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In All your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight."Prov 3:5-6
This subject is of concern to me because I want to help encourage and raise up a generation that honors the Lord in all they do. I refuse to say, "well, they're doomed anyway so I'm just going to brace myself for it". I believe our obedience to God in our purity, in our marriages should speak loudly to the next generations.
So, what does that mean for us today? If you are married and doing well...be ready for hard. The bible promises us that the "devil prowls around like a roaring lion waiting for someone to destroy"...and Satan would love to see another "christian marriage" fail. If you are struggling in your marriage, I encourage you to seek wise and godly counsel and to pray. I have a dear friend who is a believer and her husband is not. She found out that her husband had been unfaithful more than once and her response blew me away. She said, "If Christ can forgive me, how can I not forgive him..". Whoa! I admit, in my human heart my feeling was that she had every right, biblically, to leave. But her response was full of grace. Full of God's grace. I learned from her that day in her testimony to forgive..as Christ did. Dissolving Marriages are usually full of bitterness and accusations. "He didn't..She didn't...he did...she did..." I can get stuck in this mindset and frustration can build up...therefore building up a wall around my heart keeping me from listening to God and loving my husband. It's so subtle and so easy.
If your marriage is already over, you can know that Christ has already forgiven you...He has grace for you and wants you to seek him. What does that look like? Maybe it means attempting to re-establish your relationship with your spouse...if they are willing. Maybe it means accepting that you have to maintain a life of celibacy. This is touchy and people don't want to hear this part. We want companionship. We were made for companionship...in our marriage.
"Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." (Mark 10:11-12).
"What God has joined together, let man not separate. . . I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:6, 9).
The bible is clear. If this subject overwhelms you seek God, seek Godly counsel and always pray. Pray for God's leading, pray for God's grace to overflow in your marriage and pray for your spouse. Our marriages are a part of our testimonies to our children, to our unbelieving friends and family. None of us is immune to the hardships of the world..loss of jobs, loss of health, loss of life, loss of possessions..but you are promised:
When we said "I do" on our wedding day, God said to us, "I will"...and we need to believe it.
Bio: My name is Melinda Gray. I have been married for nearly 12 years and have 3 kids. I work 6 days/month as an Emergency Room RN at a local ER where I have been employed for nearly 13 years. I have been blogging for 9 months in hopes of encouraging others and what I have found is that it has caused me to be honest and vulnerable to what the Lord is doing in my life. Everything can look better on paper...My budget looks fantastic on paper and I can write from a perspective of ideal. I don't have it all or much figured out, but I was once taught to "preach the word back to myself" when I began to doubt or lose sight of who I am, who God is and what He has promised us. My hope is to do this in my heart, in my head and in word and action. I fail frequently but He never fails.
You can visit Melinda at:
1 comment:
Nicely said. Very thought provoking.
Post a Comment